happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
