Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
