why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
