This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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