My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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