I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
