Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
