3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
