I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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