I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
