OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
