They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
