I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
