Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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