he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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