i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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