Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
organizing the empties. That sober.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My vagina is very pro this idea
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
