I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
