if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
