Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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