My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
