quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
