I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
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He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
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Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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