I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
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