I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
