I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
