he wants to bone in the snuggie
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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