I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
