You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
