i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i just made my gag reflex go away.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
ttyl tear gas
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
