Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
