pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
