Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We talked him into tasing himself.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
