I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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