literally had 100 drinks last night.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
