just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
