you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
