We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
foreskin is a definite game changer
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
