please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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