Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
