Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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