the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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