Apparently you make a good broom.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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