Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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