i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
