we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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