Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
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i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
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Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
why is half of my head shaved?
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