Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
