The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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