I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
