After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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