whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
