I cockslap morals
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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