Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
