how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
