a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
