I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
