He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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