She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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