you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
