That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
