your parents love me but you hate me
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
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