When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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