I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
