absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
